What exactly is success? I won’t bore you with a dictionary definition; chances are you have your own opinion, and your view will be completely different from anyone else’s. Success, like happiness, is relative. It’s not the same for any two people…so therefore, no one can tell you what it is.

But how do you live up to your own definition of success? For many, the bar is set so high that they can never really fully achieve what they desire. Once they get close to where they imagined success would be, a new standard emerges, and, like a mirage, the coveted end-point disappears.

Others find they never come close to what they perceive as success–they veer off in the directions that circumstances ultimately take them, and they constantly mourn the loss of a once-dream. Even if they are thriving, they don’t feel successful because they are not where they told themselves they should go.

My husband’s paradigm of success, from about the age of 16, was to be well-known in the entertainment industry. At first, he dreamed of being in front of the camera as a talk-show host. Eventually, however, he realized he didn’t necessarily have the goods to be a TV personality. But his idea of success was still linked to the world of entertainment. By his late 20s/early 30s, he aspired to rise up the ranks into an executive position in the television industry. But life, as it does, took a turn, and factors such as marriage, family, and other career opportunities took precedent over those aspirations.

By his late 30s/early 40s, my husband had carved out a completely different picture of his life than he’d once expected. He’d become a stay-at-home father who also set up several business ventures that could be run from the home office. While some would certainly say he was a success, it took him quite some time to think of himself in that regard. In his view, he never achieved that elusive success in the TV arena, and so, he had basically failed. Only through time, maturity, and perspective did he finally change his paradigm of success and begin to see the value of his contributions as they stood.

If you feel like a failure, or think you’ve fallen short of your success potential, it might be time to reorganize your goals and start working towards what you want to achieve. Or, it may be more appropriate to redefine your view of success. You just might find you’re already where you want to be.

–Sheri Staak